MC invites animal rights activist to "Party"

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.” “In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

I hate trikes.

'Cept for this one.

Exile does it right.

Embarrassing Moments in Riding

Embarrassing Moments in Riding

I have had many embarrassing moments as a motorcycle rider when I hoped and prayed no one was watching. I’ve only been riding for a year and a half or so now and at times I still feel like a bull in a china store on two wheels, with a blindfold on. Here for your entertainment and pleasure, in no particular order is a list of some the stupider things I’ve done. Kids, please don’t try these at home.

I have managed to walk in the house with my helmet still on, looking like an astronaut walking on the moon, a couple of times, not on purpose. Duh!

I’ve leaned over forgetting my helmet was on with the extra clearance needed, and banged it on things, so much for keeping it in pristine condition. Is klutziness inherited or communicable?

I’ve knocked my helmet off the bike onto the cement scuffing it up. Permanent marks don’t you know and I’m still looking for decals to cover them up.

Almost looking like a cheap fake bake, I have gotten sunburned on my face, ears and hands from not wearing sunscreen on a long bike ride. I now carry a bottle in my saddlebag, thank you.

I’ve been caught in the rain and my clear riding glasses smeared with road grime when I tried to wipe them off with my gloves so bad I could not see out them any more. I finished riding home looking over the top of the glasses. I learned my lesson and will no longer attempt to wipe them once it starts to rain; it’s hard to ride by sense of smell and sound.

I rode off from work half cocked once without strapping my half helmet on and had to pull over off the access road, remove my gloves and fasten it on. Boy did I feel like an idiot. Maybe I am?

I’ve driven off haphazardly several times forgetting to put my eye protection on. My windshield does not block everything from hitting my face, that’s for sure.

I found out that new leather boots are not waterproof and need to be sprayed down with something to waterproof them. Then I found out that you have to reapply the water proofer periodically ever few months or the boots will loose their waterproofness.

One time I neglected to buckle my saddlebag just closing the lid and wound up loosing a good pair of clear riding glasses on my way to a bike night. That’s just brilliant, huh?

Not long after getting the bike I almost dropped it the first or second time I pulled out of my driveway on my way to practice riding at a nearby parking lot. I ended up with a black and blue bruised up and soar leg from that one. OK, so Evil Knievel I’m not.

I completely lost one whole saddlebag while riding home once when I was exiting the freeway. I felt like a two inch tall moron in leather pulling over to walk back and get it. At least I can still use the damaged bag, go figure.

I stalled the engine once like a teenager learning how to drive a standard transmission, after coming to a stop to make a left hand turn into my neighborhood. I think I was too distracted by the cager coming up fast on my six.

One really freezing cold day I got stuck in traffic on the freeway while on the way home from work and the motor was not warmed up enough with the enrichment lever (choke) turned off and it stalled while I was in the fast lane when I came to a stop and I had to pull over to the left shoulder to restart the bike, and I call myself a commuter, geesh.

On at least two occasions I have gone to put the kickstand down and my foot lost grip and slipped leaving my leg above my ankle with a nice scrape down it. I must confess that I may not have been wearing the proper riding foot gear at the time which may have contributed to my pain. What does ATGAT stand for again?

Believe it or not, plastic melts on hot engine. I found that out one day when I left the end cover of my battery tender connector loose and it laid a little too close to the rear cylinder head. It also makes a strange burning odor when this happens.

Several times I’ve had to make the biker “Ya, I’m Cool” move putting my left foot up on the floorboard, while checking to make sure the bikes in first gear. Yes, I’m so cool I’m downright cold.

I have accidently taken off from stops in second or third gear, having forgotten to down shift when coming to the stop. That’s a real impressive look taking off lugging the poor little V-Twin down slowly gaining speed like a trolling motor pulling a forty foot yacht. What was I thinking, or, maybe not?

Every now and then I still hit neutral instead of first or second up-shifting or downshifting. Some times I hit it several times in a row for effect. Yes, that was me revving up the engine and not going any where fast.

One cold but blindingly bright day I put down the internal smoke colored visor inside of my full face helmet as I drove off from work. It immediately fogged up so I could not see, and I was in traffic. Feeling like Stevie Wonder on two wheels, I attempted to put it up but could not feel the lever with my winter riding gloves on, so I opened the face shield and popped it back up. Then when the regular shield started fogging I tried to open the shield and could not open it. When I got home I found that I had accidently locked the visor down tight like a chastity belt when I attempted to put the inner visor up. At least I had not permanently broken something.

Once, like a football player in his first ballet class, I was turning into my neighborhood and had not slowed down enough, so I swung way too wide, and headed for the right curb like a bird spotting a new clean car. Target fixation had kicked in but I managed to lean her so far enough over I scraped the left floorboard with a jolt. I still managed to slightly scrape the right curb with the other floorboard and I almost dropped her. I’m sure the people in the neighborhood watching were probably wondering what the heck I was doing. Just think of all the sparks if it would have been darker.

I hope you got some laughs on my behalf, and maybe, just maybe, picked up a tip or two so as not to replicate any of my stupid antics. Please feel free to share some of your own; it’s a lot easier now that I got rid of that other comment program.

Ride on,
Torch

ménage à trois

When the dog bites, When the bee stings, When I feeling sad, I simply remember some of my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad.

"Good things" represented.

It's Friday! Cheers!

Stunt Rider Bubba Blackwell was busy, So I filled in for him.

Disclaimer: Obviously a Hoax!

My "Special" Cat

Not related to motorcycles, but had to share. Too cute!

This is a video of one of my two cats acting "Special". It was hard to capture. Usually when he knows someone is watching him drinking water this way, He quits. At the end of the video, when I call his name and ask him what he is doing, He realizes he's been busted and immediately stops.

He does drink water normally too. This is just one of the many endearing qualities of his perscatonality. Its what he does when he thinks no one is watching. What a goomba.

Ever catch one of your pets acting "Special"?

passing time

I seem to have mellowed a bit more with each passing year. Maybe I'm getting older, and a bit wiser. Life sure seems better viewing it as an optimist, rather than living life through the eyes of a pessimist. With the arrival of winter each year, I realize I have to put the bike away for the season, but this only brings up a new season of thrills and beauty to come. I have come to accept that to live in Minnesota you have to learn to Love ALL 4 seasons. If you don't 3-4 months out of the year, you could potentially find yourself pretty miserable. Winter is just a thing we have to deal with. I've learned the more I go at it with this kind of attitude, the less the snow and cold seems to bother me. I love to ice fish. I love and appreciate the beauty of winter landscapes. I love snow on Christmas, and I like to snowmobile and downhill ski once in a while.

I don't ski wussy hills like the one pictured below, but had to take a picture of the run's sign while I was on my way to the double black diamond runs.

How could you pass up a name like Harley's Hollow?

Keep smiling. Spring isn't too far away.

To Wave or Not to Wave?

To Wave or Not to Wave?

To Wave or Not to Wave? The debate rages on. This question has been showing up on blogs, forums and magazines for a long time and has been popping up again here and there lately. This is the funniest read on waving I have personally run across and shamelessly stolen from the b.a.r.f. website. I searched for the original by the author and could not locate it. Seriously, take your time and read it through. It is well worth your time reading:

To Wave or Not to Wave

By Shalom Auslander

I love motorcycles, and I love riding. Like many of you, what first drew me to bikes was not just the experience of riding, but the feeling that I'd become part of a special community—a brotherhood, really. Nothing calms me more than a long ride down the interstate, waving to the members of my beloved clan. Except when I pass Harley guys. I hate Harley guys. Hate, hate, hate. When they pass me on the highway, you know what I do? I don't wave. With their little tassle handlebars and the studded luggage and the half-helmets—God, they drive me crazy.

You know who else I hate? BMW guys. Oh, I do hate those guys. I don't wave at them, either. They think they're so great, sitting all upright, with their 180-degree German engines. God, I hate them. They're almost as bad as those old bastards on their touring motorcycles. You know what I call those bikes? "Two-wheeled couches!" Get it? Because they're so big. They drive around like they've got all day. Appreciate the scenery somewhere else, Grampa, and while you're at it, I'm not waving to you.

Ducati guys—I don't wave at them either. Why don't they spend a little more money on their bikes? "You can have it in any color you want, as long as it's red." Aren't you cool! Like they even know what a desmo-whatever engine is, anyway. Try finding the battery, you Italian-wannabe racers! I never, ever wave at those guys.

Suzuki guys aren't much better, which is why I never wave at them, either. They always have those stupid helmets sitting on top of their stupid heads, and God forbid they should wear any safety gear. They make me so mad. Sometimes they'll speed by and look over at me and you know what I do? I don't wave. I just keep on going. Please, don't get me started on Kawasaki guys. Ninjas? What are you, twelve years old? Team Green my ass. I never wave at Kawasaki guys.

I ride a Honda, and I'll only wave at Honda guys, but even then, I'll never wave at a guy in full leathers. Never, never, never. Yeah, like you're going to get your knee down on the New York Thruway. Nice crotch, by the way. Guys in full leathers will never get a wave from me, and by the way, neither will the guys in two-piece leathers. And I'll tell you who else I'm not waving at—those guys with the helmets with the loud paintjobs. Four pounds of paint on a two pound helmet–like I'm going to wave back to that! I'll also never wave at someone with a mirrored visor. Or helmet stickers. Or racing gloves. Or hiking boots.

To me, motorcycling is a like a family, a close-knit brotherhood of people who ride Hondas, wear jeans and a leather jacket (not Vanson) with regular gloves and a solid-color helmet with a clear visor, no stickers, no racing gloves and regular boots (not Timberlands). And isn't that what really makes riding so special?

I hope you got a chuckle out of that, I sure did. Here is what I think he is saying. If we don’t wave because of every little thing about someone we don’t like; we will never wave at anyone. As for me, I will wave or acknowledge everyone on two wheels I see in time, as long as it is safe to do so.

Ride on,

Torch

Annual De-lurker day.

You know who you are, You anonymous readers who never comment.

Leave me a comment with you name if you are guilty, or even if you are not!

Art or is it?

I Thought this was kind of cool, and figured this was Blogable. I see it quite often. There is a distinct reverse image of the Harley Davidson Bar and Shield Logo left on one of my favorite chairs.

Its like unintentional art.

Its kind of like carving your name into a picnic table as a kid and leaving your mark.

Every time I wear a certain Harley shirt, and sit in this particular micro-fiber chair, I leave a temporary sign that says, "I was there."

Art, or is it?

Kick Stand Down Blues

Kick Stand Down Blues

By Torch 2010

(To the tune of Born Under a Bad Sign)

Got the Kick Stand Down Blues

Ain’t been able to ride since late Fall

If it wasn’t for Spring an’ Summer time

I’d get no ridin’ time in at all

Three inches of snow & ice on the drive

Keeps my baby all locked up inside

Got the Kick Stand Down Blues

Ain’t been able to ride since late Fall

If it wasn’t for Spring an’ Summer time

I’d get no ridin’ time in at all

I've installed all the chrome an’ polished it bright

I’ll be dreamin’ ‘bout her tonight

Got the Kick Stand Down Blues

Ain’t been able to ride since late Fall

If it wasn’t for Spring an’ Summer time

I’d get no ridin’ time in at all

Done all the maintenance an’ Mods I could

Installed fuel stabilizer in the tank just for good

Got the Kick Stand Down Blues

Ain’t been able to ride since late Fall

If it wasn’t for Spring an’ Summer time

I’d get no ridin’ time in at all

Rubbed her down with a nice coat of wax

She’s so much sexier than a Cadillac

Got the Kick Stand Down Blues

Ain’t been able to ride since late Fall

If it wasn’t for Spring an’ Summer time

I’d get no ridin’ time in at all

I’ve read all the Forums and all of the Blogs

She’s just waitin’ for me to blow out the cogs

Got the Kick Stand Down Blues

Ain’t been able to ride since late Fall

If it wasn’t for Spring an’ Summer time

I’d get no ridin’ time in at all

But, Just as sure as the Rapture Day

Ha, Spring is on it’s way…

Ride on,
Torch

Hope you all had a fabulous holiday season!

Still alive and kickin. Can't wait to see what this new year will bring.

Last year was a Helluva RIDE!

HOGWASH Review

HOGWASH Review

No, HOGWASH is not some expensive Corinthian Leather scented soap to clean your bike with. HOGWASH is a book by the multi-talented, “Only Wanna Do What’s Right”, Bryan Duncan. It is also beautifully illustrated by David Eden. Obviously, Bryan now suffers from Midlife Motorcycle Madness, and has decided to write a light hearted book about his experiences and gleanings. In HOGWASH, Bryan takes a humorous look at the biker scene. It is a short 95 page, easy to read book that anyone who has ridden on two wheels should read and leave out on the coffee table, (just move those motorcycle parts over a little).

Bryan leaves no sacred stone unturned and pokes fun at all aspects of biker life and motorcycle riding in general. Subjects touched upon include; “Stuff You Won’t Find at the Harley Dealer”, “Signs Yer Too Fat for a FATBOY”, and “Why Bikers Have Tattoos”. All the short quips will keep you chuckling through the whole book.

He goes on to discus subjects like, “How to Recognize a Biker Church” and “How a Biker Makes Sense of the Bible”. Bryan touches on the humorous side of religion with no preaching, just food for thought. Jesus rides a Road King? Laughter truly is good medicine for the heart.

From the back cover of the book:


ONE BIKER’S SARCASTIC OBSERVATIONS OF MOTORCYCLE MADNESS


What happens when you buy this book!:


• It’ll improve your looks
• You’ll feel younger
• Chicks will dig you
• Yer personality will blossom
• You’ll become more prosperous
• Hair will grow on yer bald spots


With promises like that how could you refuse to read it? I can vouch that my looks have already improved since reading it! (A smile truly will increase your face value). Next, I need to get one of Jack Riepe's Twisted Roads Tees.


HOGWASH is a very funny and entertaining book. Moose’s (David Eden’s) illustrations are all real cute and entertaining in there own right. Bryan Duncan’s HOGWASH is like chicken soup for the bikers’ soul. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and everyone who rides can relate to the humor. HOGWASH is a great book and it will last for many smiles.

Torch gives Bryan Duncan’s HOGWASH an M.M.M Rating of 10 on a scale of 1-10. So, “Have Yourself Committed” and order your copy of HOGWASH today and remember, “Ride Smilin’… It Makes People Nervous”.


Ride on,
Torch